Down in it – Anyone ever felt deeply depressed?
My world of depression 10 years ago:
The more I know, the more grief I have. All my hopes have been deferred. Everything is meaningless. I will not be remembered long after my death. My chemicals are all jacked up. I cannot feel joy. I am not as happy as everyone else. I am lonelier than I have ever been. I don’t want to chase money anymore. There must be More. I am driven by fear. I am unable to be intimate with anyone. No one understands me. I would prefer not to be known anyway. I am so depressed. I feel paralyzed. I want to tear my skin off. I’m sick of faking it. I don’t want to be rejected anymore. I don’t want to hate myself anymore. Technology is not making me feel any better. My distractions have lost their ability to capture my interest. Where is the joy? I’m desperate. I think I am the only one. I think it would be best to disappear. I am ready to surrender. I plant my white flag in the hard earth and bury my dreams. The drugs don’t work. The fun is not as fun as I thought it would be. The thrill is gone. Love is empty. I feel alone. I am alone?
I’m down in it.
And so are millions of others who see life as it really is and cannot stand to face it any longer. We dig together, but we choose to live in a solitary confinement where we bide time until death proves us right. The psychiatrists are just guessing at solutions and their prescriptions just turn us into fatter zombies. The side effects are deadly. Do you know what I am talking about? Do you deeply know it? Are you suffering like I am? Have you hit the wall going 100 miles per hour and still breathe out the daily pain? If so, this is a book for you. It’s one voice shouting out from the depths in rhymes and streams and crazy, true stories. It’s poetry for the dying, words for the lonely, and dangerous love for the broken. Read it aloud. Scream it to the ceilings. And know you are not alone. We surrender, but we don’t give up.
This is our manifesto for life in the wasteland.