Tag Archives: relationships

The Ultimate Marriage Survival Guide – Looking for a Loving Relationship?

Who is this blog written for?

  • This blog is written for everyone who wants to get married but would rather not get divorced at some point (60% of couples divorce.)
  • This blog is written for those who have already gotten married and would prefer to have a really happy relationship rather than have to survive a heart-breaking day-to-day grind (80% of couples report having a miserable marriage relationship.)
  • This blog is written for those who have already been chewed up and spit out by marriage and are still trying to figure out why, so they can someday re-marry and experience marital bliss.
  • This blog is for those who want to be fully realistic and emotionally intelligent about the challenges inherent to marriage rather than living in the “Happily Ever After” dream world of how marriage is presented in both cultural myth and childhood imaginations.
  • This blog is for those who are willing to ask the important and necessary questions so they are prepared to be the best possible spouse for as long as they shall live.
  • This blog is also for me so I can read it and remember not to be an idiot to my wife.

In the pages that follow, I will give you solid tools and awesome questions to help those preparing for a new marriage, and also to provide real hope for those who find themselves in an “old” marriage, which needs a rebuild or a restoration.

So, single people, daters, engaged ring-wearers and married folks at every stage of the relationship business, read on.  I am not Dr. Phil so this might get weird, but so does marriage, and this blog will help you do better than you would without it.

Let’s begin with a few facts before we launch into this read.

Fact #1:  Of the two million couples that will get married in the U.S. this year, almost all of those polled report that they are “more in love than they have ever been” and are “positive about their decision to marry.”

Fact #2:  Of those two million couples, almost all of them “expect” to be happily married to their spouse for the rest of their lives.  (In other words, not many couples predict an imminent marital decline as they are saying or preparing to say “I Do.”)

Fact #3:  Hardly anyone gets married just so they can experience divorce.  (Divorce is not on most Bucket Lists.)

**With these three facts in mind, one has to wonder why so many people who boldly proclaim  “I Do” quickly become those who start screaming, “I Do Not.”  Honestly, how does mind-blowing love and togetherness transform into iPad-throwing hate and separation?  

Maybe the better question for this relationship blog is this:  

What can you do to make sure these things do not happen to you?

We shall attempt to answer with brevity and brilliance.

Lubbock Wedding Venues

What should every individual do before taking those risky and beautiful steps down the wedding aisle?  (Besides booking the best Lubbock wedding venue and event center, of course)

A.  Order a Human-Fax Report

Most people in this country will not even purchase a used car nowadays without finding out about its history.  For years, there were far too many lemons sold, far too many bad buys and far too many machines breaking down before the first payment was made. 

In response to this problem, some genius out there created a system by which potential car buyers could check out an automobile before making an expensive commitment and plunking down their hard earned cash.  This Car-Fax reporting system has been used by millions of people to find out whether the car they are considering has been wrecked or in any way mistreated.  People can find out about a driving machine’s repair history and then make an informed decision about the possible purchase.  With this information in hand, a buyer can know whether this car is worth the risk.

Now I am not saying that getting married is the exact same thing as buying a car, but one thing the above makes me wonder is why people insist on this sort of intense information gathering when it comes to car buying, but rarely seek to discover the detailed history of a potential mate.  I believe this level of tire kicking is necessary, not only for buying a used Audi, but also (and certainly more so) for purchasing a marriage partner.  After all, isn’t a life commitment to another human being, who might turn out to be a walking talking lemon, a bigger decision than monthly payments?  

I believe this is a huge deal and that is why I advise all of my counselees, before they get married, to fill out a “Human Fax” report (and order one from their mate).

While there is no actual faxing to be done, the idea remains the same — People providing vital and detailed histories about their brokenness, about their past wreckage and about their repair status so that someone else can make an informed decision as to whether or not they want to enter into a commitment.

While it is true that someone can lie about their past and present condition, it is not likely.  After all, most people want to be somewhat honest when they step into a relationship because they want the same sort of honesty to come back to them.  Thus, the value of this “Human Fax” is huge.  It reveals to both parties potential areas of weakness and places in need of repair.  And just because a “Human Fax” report exposes these types of things does not mean that a relationship will be a lemon.  Just because someone has wreckage does not mean that they are un-drivable.  It just brings reality into the open and hopefully draws individuals into the hands of mechanics who are able to help them become “roadworthy.”

To those in pre-dating mode: I recommend that you fill one of these outtoo.  Even those who do not yet have a significant person in mind for marriage.  It is never too early to look under your own hood and to get yourself into the shop.  (It has been interesting to work with single individuals on their “Human Fax” reports because what they find are the very problems that have been stalling their romantic pursuits in the first place.) 

In the next article, I have included an example of a “Human Fax” report.  It uses symbolic car language.  Don’t let that throw you off.  Just roll with my weird brain for a bit and answer the questions you feel are relevant. 

For those spiritual people out there:  As you fill this out, ask God to search you and show you the truth of your condition. If there are lots of problems with your car, do not despair.  Simply seek repair.  If you are filling this form out with a significant other, make sure to offer grace to both them and yourself.  Talk together about what must be done so when you take this longest relational road trip of your lives, you will be able to make it to your destination with minimal problems.